Little things

If this is a romance, than this is truly a suicide romance..
One with a certain expiration date, we know exactly when we have to say goodbye..
One that we keep hidden from the public eye, although lately it’s been leaking more and more..
When we share a kiss on the bus or in the restaurant..
When we hold hands or caress behind our friends’ backs..

I try to prepare for how much it will hurt in the end..
Or will it have to hurt at all..
I thought, “it would be so much easier if I could hate you..”
But at the first try you turn and held me,
And whispered “I don’t want to lose you..”
So right then and there I lost that resolve..

I don’t really know now how to make of you in the end..
At the moment I’m conflicted between wishing I never met you,
And sending praise that I have someone like you..
But I do know this: After the end, I will so long for the little things..
The shifting on the muscles on your back as you rise out of bed..
How your stubbles always scratch against my face when you hold me tight..
The way you bury your face in my neck and gave it little pecks..
Holding hands on the bus, my head on your shoulder..
Arguing over little things, and then you’d laugh and kiss my mouth as I pout..
You pulling me on your lap when I’m upset and cradling me,
as I am comforted by the beating of your heart against my cheek..
The little things that makes our days.. and I will tuck and keep safe in my heart..

The little things that makes my world revolve around you..
And for the time being, yours around me..
I have just come to realise (and appreciate?) how you have changed me..
Although I must say, I don’t like all the changes..
And unwittingly I have made some sacrifices along the road..
But I know that you have made some yourself..
You told me to try to understand,
You told me you would give me everything, do anything I want..
But for me to understand that we have no future..

I wish I could tell you that it’s not that that hurts more than anything..
What hurts more than anything is the fact that,
If you know we don’t have a future, why don’t you just let me go?
If you know we don’t have a future, why tell me your plans that involve me in the future?If you know we don’t have a future, then let me not be in your future..
I just hope I could be strong enough for this..
To ask not to be in your future, for it will only shatter my heart..

As I write this I listen to you breathe, sleeping soundly besides me..
I try to write as fast as I could before I lose my train of thought,
Or worst of all my courage..
And I will leave this for now, but someday after the end has past..
I will tag you in this note for I know not if I could be honest before the end..
So until then, mi querido,

Sweet dreams ..

Note: i have no idea to whom all those above words goes to. but that's not for me. we're in now. just got it from your blog.